so… 

as a guy, it isn’t really manly to outwardly and freely put your thoughts about a girl out there. 

but i don’t care. 

as life dishes them out, infatuation will rule the recesses of my attention; until a wife… hopefully.

back to the matter at hand. I just got over a recent state of pursuance over a wonderful girl. she was beautiful; on the inside and outside. i just wasn’t quite sure i was in the right mindset for her. so i lost my chance and she flew off with another dude. 

fast forward now i’m at it again. she’s cute, seems awesome, and is kind to a fault. what more can a man ask for? don’t misunderstand me however, i don’t mean to irresponsibly create an opportunity to tell this girl i want to get to know her. 
it seems at Pepperdine that wouldn’t even work if I tried. which is a good thing and a bad thing.

but if God does give the rise to an opportunity… oh boyyy the benefits definitely outweigh the costs!

it’s a bit funny to be saying all this stuff on a public platform but seriously i’m at a point where i can careless who reads this.

the girl definitely deserves the attention. and it is apparently healthy to be expressive in matters of emotion. so if any bystander stumbles on the thought of man being enamored enough to write this much about the instance. then yes i agree with you; it isn’t logically nor is it supposed to make any sense to anybody else. it is only supposed to be me who feels relieved… sorry bud it comes with the territory   

okay i haven’t really spoken on tumblr in a while. 

considering that everyone uses it like a hybrid between Facebook and Stumbleupon, i was dissociating myself with something great. Truth be told, tumblr is such a great site that people can do whatever they want on it. like me for instance, i use this site to convey emotions and thoughts that i know are way to mature and thoughtful for facebook (sometimes) mindless audience.

so I’m back, i might not be here to long considering how busy i can get. i do realize though, that writing out thoughts are healthy and fulfilling. i might not get anybody to read this junk but as the saying goes… ‘one mans junk…’

sweet and simple, i’ll be writing on here again. as a self-revelation to my future self. this is the point where you start again. recorded carelessly on an innovated site let your flightless brain-speak soar.

or something profound like that…   

No matter how hard I try to understand. 

No matter the time I spend. 

No matter the amount of experience I attain. 

No matter the work I put in. 

No matter the situation I’m in. 

No matter the people I meet.

No matter the who, what, where or why?

I never will understand why my heart feels the way it does.  

its a new year, hip hip hooray!!! Really its amazing how the years past and how things that were are no longer as the are. 20 years on this earth has taught me many things. ideas about love. friendships. work. passions. pretty much everything. 

however before we venerate 2012. I ask… no beg you to look at things differently. A new year is often celebrated and with cheer and applause. with lucky rituals of wearing polka dots instead of stripes or making sure your pockets are filled when the clock strikes 12. imagine and realize why you do these things? as humans we love change! we celebrate change because it often entails newness and freshness. 

now here is the kicker. please. please, please. please, please, please. realize that change happens everyday. we learn, we adapt, we grow not by the year but honestly by the second. its because of that culmination of realization of growth, lesson, and adaptation that we decide to celebrate New Years. hence silly things like New Years resolutions. 

I understand that it is absolutely irrational to throw a party for every new day. bonkers really to give people an excuse everyday to get wasted, but i ask you to contemplate a new year as you would a new day.

as we remember who we are. what we want to be. what we want out of life. at the end of a year. try doing it with every sunrise you afforded. life is to short. extremely to short. as 2012 is taking place, I wish everyone a Happy New Day!!!! 

its been almost 2 years since i last was able to feel the warmth of companionship from a woman, and it got me thinking. so many people can’t believe that i’m still single. 
not to boast or to allow the compliments to fester. but i’m a good guy. patient, caring, honest, and genuine.
living here at Pepperdine, love is magnified and overestimated. to extend that its safe to say that the world has allowed many to believe that love is only permitted for the opposite sex.
i wanna say that this belief is lacking. to say the least. stop and realize where love really is, your looking in the wrong  places. love cannot be captivated in a song or a movie. love cannot be felt with a kiss alone or sex within that extent. love isn’t just admiration for another or mushy and jitter-ing feelings. 
they all can be a result of the greater identity of love. however, i challenge you to journey elsewhere; towards your precious friends, your unique passions, the quirky moments that make you feel alive and more importantly look at the sacrifices that people make for you and you for them. 
now that is love. its different, not to knock off those who are in love with each other. this though, you gotta admit is easier, less complicated and assured for every babbling, nervous fool that can’t tell a pretty girl how they feel [aside to my predicament]. 

just to return back to the subject. i’m single not because i don’t want to love someone else, i’m single because i’m already in love. with literally everything aforementioned earlier. until someone else comes along and distracts me from that essence then i stand firm in my positions. 
not to say that i’m not looking for someone ;)  

the worst type of pain
is self-afflicted. 

it is the most important pain to learn from
it discloses a part of you unknown to your primal self
it reveals your humanity.

to dwell upon that pain, is to dwell upon principles inherent
natural
elementary
to you.

arguable. debatable.
the contents and origins at which this pain
spawns and asserts itself. 

to no end do i believe i better than my humanity

however i must overcome
transcend
rectify
the source of this pain. 

this i call my Christianity.
my walk with Christ.  

wow… 

hmm… depends on who’s asking? lol 

dear sleep,

on the account of college i can’t be with you. but i miss you and i will be with you soon. 

sincerely, 

Ralph